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Quality over quantity: the version of me grief created
My world has shrunk drastically in the last year and a half. There is the inevitable shrinking because someone so core and fundamental to my life is no longer here. And there has also been an additional shrinking in the capacities that I possess as I move through life now. My levels of tolerance and… Continue reading
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, words bruise my soul
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words alone do no harm. Scratch that, words alone can cause a great deal of harm, especially to someone that is grieving and vulnerable. I do not say this is somebody whose words have been free of harm. I am just as guilty as anyone else. I… Continue reading
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Navigating Grief: The Invisible Exhaustion
Grief is incredibly exhausting. There is the exhaustion from battling against a “new reality” that is incomprehensible. An apparent “truth” that your loved one is no longer here, that feels like the biggest lie, the worst joke ever told, the cruelest prank ever played. And that your mind and body constantly battle against, subconsciously. At… Continue reading
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Held by kindness
My brother’s birthday has always been the first in the calendar year for my family. Which meant that last year, we were struck with the disorder and confusion of marking a birthday without the celebrant a mere three months after our sudden, heavy loss. As we approach the second birthday without its special celebrant, I’ve… Continue reading
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Some things have changed, some have stayed the same
At some point last year, I came across a blog written by a bereaved sister that resonated me with me so deeply. In this blog, the author wrote eloquently about things that she still couldn’t do (and others she still found comfort in) several months after her sister’s departure from this earth. What she wrote… Continue reading
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Grief isn’t logical, and that’s okay
Pain is not logical. Grief is not logical. It is not logical that later on very the day this happened to my brother, I had the most intense muscle aches in my legs that felt as though I’d run several half-marathons. It is not logical that my feet would no longer feel like my mine… Continue reading
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365 days without you
It’s been 365 days since my heart was irreparably shattered. 365 days since your heart stopped beating. 365 days since anything last made sense. To say it has been a difficult 365 days would be an understatement. It has been soul-crushing. Piercing. Numbing. Indescribably painful. Unfathomable. Senseless. All at the same time. There’s so much… Continue reading